First Year at University

My first year at university is...over?!

I'm really not sure how that's happened. It seems like forever since I got the email telling me I had got into my first choice university, or since I went shopping with mum to buy scary things like saucepans and potato masher, or since my parents dropped me off and I met my flatmates for the first time.


Since then I've had thirty weeks of fun, laughter, alcohol, studying, all nighters, fire alarms, meeting new people and having the time of my life.

University is everything I imagined it would be and I've made some of the best friends ever- friends who I now can't imagine life without. Friends who will bring me ice cream when I'm sad and watch musicals with me, to friends who will stay up all night with me and then when I tell them I need to go to sleep because it was SEVEN AM proceeded to get into my bed instead of their own. Most importantly friends who accept me for who I am, all my weird quirks- from my fear of birds to my obsession over anything cute or fluffy or the way I sing musical showtunes constantly.

My confidence has grown massively- I know now I can do anything and I don't need to worry about my own abilities. I'm strong (possibly not in strength- arm wrestling matches against my flatmates has proved that!) I'm resilient and mostly I'm pretty great and I'm glad this year has made me realise that.

I'm so excited for second year!

Finally, some photos from my final term

Flat bbq

Cocktails

My first time voting! 

Best english girls 

Brownie selling for charity 

The night we finished exams

She loves me really...I think 

Highlight of one of our clubs out is the facepainting- this week I opted for a lion 

When my friend brought me ice cream 

School days

One of our many corridor hangouts 

My flatmates make me feel tiny 

At about 6am one night when none of us had slept

Final night :( 

This room was my home for a year and I'll miss it so much 

xxx

2014

So we've reached New Year's Eve and although in a few minutes I need to start getting ready to celebrate the end of the year with some of my closest friends, I wanted to put a few thoughts down on what has probably been one of the biggest years of my life.

2014 started with me being pretty unwell, lacking confidence and not really being sure where I would end up. I left therapy, only to find my anxiety got worst and my panic attacks became much more regular. March came and I got an offer from my dream uni, and for a few days I could relax. The end of my school days came around so quickly, with laughter, tears and a few (small) fights and before I knew it I was sitting my A Level exams. Around this time a lot of stuff was going on in my personal life (worst possible timing I know) but somehow I made it through and then it was summer.

Summer was one of the craziest times of my life, I had so much fun with so many amazing people, went to some incredible places, but there was also some frightening and horrible moments, and quite a few tearful train journeys. I also had the constant fear of result day and whether or not I would get into uni.

Finally, results day and my eighteenth came round on the 14th of August. Logging onto UCAS to see I had been accepted into my first choice uni was definitely the highlight of the year, and I have never felt so much relief. That was probably the best day of my life, spent with all the people I love so much and feeling so proud of all my friends.

Towards the end of summer, my confidence grew. I don't really know what it was, maybe it was getting into uni or maybe it was being 18 and a few eventful nights out but I felt so much better about myself.

Then uni came around and after a nerve wracking few first days I made some great friends and I have been having the time of my life ever since. Crazy that I've only been there 10 weeks and yet I'm so comfortable and happy there.

2014 has definitely had its ups and downs, and some bad and some good moments, but it's been amazing and I can't wait to see what 2015 brings.

Happy New Year everyone!!

xxx

Letter to my 11 year old self

This is a bit different to my normal posts and a lot more personal but after a conversation with my Mum about what I would tell my younger self before starting Secondary School, I thought it would be interesting to write a little letter. I really encourage you to do this, even if you don't share it online, it puts so much in perspective and made me realise how far I've come.

Dear 11 year old Alex,

This time 7 years ago you were in your first week or two of secondary school. I can’t believe that was seven years ago.

You were a completely different person then. In fact, I think 11 year old Alex and 18 year old Alex would argue if they met each other now. I’m going to be honest- you looked like such a dork at age 11. But don’t worry, one day you will learn how to roll up your skirt and fix your hair so that you look half way decent.

First things first- appearance.  I’m sorry to tell you but we’re never gonna be completely happy with ourselves. Well at least in these 7 years we haven’t really got there, but we are getting so much closer at accepting us, I promise. But trust me, by the time you get to 18 you will know how to wear make up and you will have contacts and your braces will be off and you will genuinely love your smile.

Oh yeah, the braces. Sorry you have to get them so late and feel about 13 at parties whilst all your friends flash their brilliant smiles. Just go with it. I know you will hate them sometimes and you will wish you never got them, but you will honestly agree that it is worth it. Now your best feature is your smile (trust me) and you are so happy you got them.

What else? Don’t fixate on your weight so much. It’s honestly not worth it. You’ll waste so much time being unhappy and stressing about it and you’ll look back and wish you had just embraced how you look. Don’t compare yourself to others because you’ll find out that other people had been envious of how you look. You’ll wear shorts and a vest top and like how you look. You’ll learn to wear clothes that flatter you. Trust me on this one- you are so much more than your weight and how you look.

Secondly- people. Most of the friends you have at 11 won’t be your best friends at 18. That’s okay. You learn from every friendship and none of them leave you that scarred so you’ll be okay. You’ll find your real best friends around 15/16 and I know that sounds late but they are well worth the wait.

Speaking of best friends, try not to fight over such stupid things. Some things need to be fought out, some don’t and aren’t worth it. Avoid toxic friends- if they make you feel shit ditch them. And don’t hold grudges, get over yourself. Move on.

Boys. Do not take boys too seriously. You are far too young to worry about them like that. Don’t let them tae over your life and don’t put your happiness and self esteem in their hands. Remember you were beautiful before he told you that you were. And don’t get caught up with the fact that you haven’t kissed a boy. It will happen and you will wonder what the big deal was. Don’t feel shit for not having a boyfriend. Wait, don’t rush into something because you’re lonely. That’s not a good enough reason to have a relationship, because you don’t want to be by yourself.

Just a note- Take photos. Take so many photos. Don’t delete those photos. You’ll want them back in a few years. You’ll understand what I’m talking about when you hit GCSE’s.

Speaking of GCSE’s, those are going to be some pretty tough years. Some seriously horrible things are going to happen, things that you won’t even have ever imagined. You will get through it. You will be ripped to shreds, you will be destroyed, and you will one day piece yourself back together.

Yeah, you read that right. One day, you are going to save yourself and fix things and live your life again and be healthy. Not a boy, not your friends, not even your family. You’re going to do that because you are your own hero in this life and that is the best thing to be.

Finally, don’t put yourself down so much. Don’t compare yourself to everyone else and convince yourself you aren’t smart or funny or popular enough. You are enough exactly how you are. And you know what? It may take you a little while but you are going to achieve so much. So much more than you ever dreamed and you are going to make everyone proud, but most of all you are going to make yourself proud.

Hang on in there little one, you’re going to make it out okay I promise :) 
Love from 18 year old Alex
xxxx