Letter to my 11 year old self

This is a bit different to my normal posts and a lot more personal but after a conversation with my Mum about what I would tell my younger self before starting Secondary School, I thought it would be interesting to write a little letter. I really encourage you to do this, even if you don't share it online, it puts so much in perspective and made me realise how far I've come.

Dear 11 year old Alex,

This time 7 years ago you were in your first week or two of secondary school. I can’t believe that was seven years ago.

You were a completely different person then. In fact, I think 11 year old Alex and 18 year old Alex would argue if they met each other now. I’m going to be honest- you looked like such a dork at age 11. But don’t worry, one day you will learn how to roll up your skirt and fix your hair so that you look half way decent.

First things first- appearance.  I’m sorry to tell you but we’re never gonna be completely happy with ourselves. Well at least in these 7 years we haven’t really got there, but we are getting so much closer at accepting us, I promise. But trust me, by the time you get to 18 you will know how to wear make up and you will have contacts and your braces will be off and you will genuinely love your smile.

Oh yeah, the braces. Sorry you have to get them so late and feel about 13 at parties whilst all your friends flash their brilliant smiles. Just go with it. I know you will hate them sometimes and you will wish you never got them, but you will honestly agree that it is worth it. Now your best feature is your smile (trust me) and you are so happy you got them.

What else? Don’t fixate on your weight so much. It’s honestly not worth it. You’ll waste so much time being unhappy and stressing about it and you’ll look back and wish you had just embraced how you look. Don’t compare yourself to others because you’ll find out that other people had been envious of how you look. You’ll wear shorts and a vest top and like how you look. You’ll learn to wear clothes that flatter you. Trust me on this one- you are so much more than your weight and how you look.

Secondly- people. Most of the friends you have at 11 won’t be your best friends at 18. That’s okay. You learn from every friendship and none of them leave you that scarred so you’ll be okay. You’ll find your real best friends around 15/16 and I know that sounds late but they are well worth the wait.

Speaking of best friends, try not to fight over such stupid things. Some things need to be fought out, some don’t and aren’t worth it. Avoid toxic friends- if they make you feel shit ditch them. And don’t hold grudges, get over yourself. Move on.

Boys. Do not take boys too seriously. You are far too young to worry about them like that. Don’t let them tae over your life and don’t put your happiness and self esteem in their hands. Remember you were beautiful before he told you that you were. And don’t get caught up with the fact that you haven’t kissed a boy. It will happen and you will wonder what the big deal was. Don’t feel shit for not having a boyfriend. Wait, don’t rush into something because you’re lonely. That’s not a good enough reason to have a relationship, because you don’t want to be by yourself.

Just a note- Take photos. Take so many photos. Don’t delete those photos. You’ll want them back in a few years. You’ll understand what I’m talking about when you hit GCSE’s.

Speaking of GCSE’s, those are going to be some pretty tough years. Some seriously horrible things are going to happen, things that you won’t even have ever imagined. You will get through it. You will be ripped to shreds, you will be destroyed, and you will one day piece yourself back together.

Yeah, you read that right. One day, you are going to save yourself and fix things and live your life again and be healthy. Not a boy, not your friends, not even your family. You’re going to do that because you are your own hero in this life and that is the best thing to be.

Finally, don’t put yourself down so much. Don’t compare yourself to everyone else and convince yourself you aren’t smart or funny or popular enough. You are enough exactly how you are. And you know what? It may take you a little while but you are going to achieve so much. So much more than you ever dreamed and you are going to make everyone proud, but most of all you are going to make yourself proud.

Hang on in there little one, you’re going to make it out okay I promise :) 
Love from 18 year old Alex
xxxx